New York Archives – Page 3 of 3 – Around the World in 24 Hours

Greetings Internet Stranger and welcome to a perfect 24 Hours of the best things to do in the New York Renaissance Faire! Some attractions in New York State, like the Statue of Liberty or the Times Square Olive Garden are known all around the world. But some are known mostly only to locals. That's where the New York Renaissance Faire comes in. This wonderful festival lasts from August to September every year, and it's a true New York tradition. In fact, this native New Yorker has been visiting the Ren Faire every year since she was seven years old...and loving it! The New York Renaissance Faire is easy to get to from New York City; detailed instructions on how to get here, including by bus if you don't have a car, are here. So join me for a day of mead, magic, and more. HUZZAH! Things to Do in the New York Renaissance Faire What to Pack? A cell charger so you can take photos of the New York Renaissance Faire all dayIf you're interested in learning more about Renaissance Faires, I suggest this wonderful book Well Met, which tells the history of how Ren Faires became so popularI bought my costume at the Ren Faire, piece by piece, year after year. But if you want to buy your own costume to bring to the Renaissance Faire, Amazon has some great options here. Things to Do in the New York Renaissance Faire Morning: Activities The New York Renaissance Faire is the same every year, except when it is different. There are some acts and shops that come every single year, and then there are some old acts that never return and new favorites to meet and enjoy. I'll share my favorite shows, shops, and snacks, but be sure to check the (free) schedule at the information booth when you arrive for more up to date into on showtimes. And now that the preliminaries are out of the way, I give you... Approximately Top 5: Morning at the Ren Faire! 1) Dave's Mini Donuts Dave's Mini Donuts are my traditional way to start a day at the Ren Faire. Did they have mini donuts during the Renaissance? Probably not. But get used to anachronism. We're at the Ren Faire! Dave's Mini Donuts can come plain, but I prefer to get mine in one of their crazy flavors like S'mores or Pumpkin Spice. You can also get their "complete breakfast" maple bacon donut, if you missed breakfast this morning. I always get a half portion, which is six mini donuts. They are made piping hot, fresh to order, and also delicious as they look. You'll be busting out of your corset by the time you're finished. And yes, I do wear an actual corset to the Ren Faire. You can't see it, but trust me that it's there. And it's VERY purple. 24 Hour Tip Bring tons of one dollar bills to the Ren Faire for the food stand tip jars. Every time you tip, the food staff will yell, "HUZZAH TO MY LOVELY TIPPER!!!!" or words to that effect. It will definitely include the word Huzzah, though. That's a Ren Faire promise. 2) Acrobatrix Aside from the food and shopping, the best thing about the Ren Faire is the shows. Don't miss Acrobatrix, which is a husband/wife acrobat/contortionist themed show. They tell corny jokes! (Thunder, the husband, says that he does stupid stuff, and his wife, Star, replies, "I'm stupid stuff.") They're both in incredible shape! Sometimes they kiss during their acts! At one point Star will definitely perform feats of derring-do while balancing from Thunder's hands. It's very light-hearted and entertaining. My favorite part is when they ask the audience if they should do a trick the easy way, the hard way, or the weird way. (Always opt for the weird way.) Remember that all the shows are free, so please bring some 5 dollars bills or such to tip the entertainers. I don't think anyone ever got rich performing Ren Faires, so all tips are greatly appreciated. Some of the acts do sell merchandise as well. This year Acrobatrix was selling flash drives with their shows on them, including a music video starring their cat. 3) Aaron Bonk I can't guarantee that Aaron Bonk is the most popular show at the New York Renaissance Faire. But I also can't guarantee that he isn't! His shows always seem to fill out crazy fast, so get there early if you want to get a good seat. People come from all over the Ren Faire to see his tricks with fire, whips, swords, and fire whips. That might be why his act is so crowded...because you can't sit on the ground near the stage due to the fire whips. Mr. Bonk, who claims this is his real name, has a charmingly low-key sense of humor for a Ren Faire performer. His most common punchline is, "That's....not a joke." Or he might ask the audience if they like Game of Thrones and when they agree, he'll pretend to be shocked to find GoT fans at a Ren Faire. But you didn't come for the jokes! You came to watch a Guinness Book of World Records veteran balance a bunch of swords on his head, juggle four whips (which no one else can do), and crack whips that have been coated in flame! And you will surely get what you came for. Look at my photo above! That's a real flaming torch he's balancing on his head! BONK! 4) Meat on a Stick! After all those acrobatics and fire whips, we're going to want some lunch! There are a ton of options at the New York Renaissance Faire, but there's just something so appropriate about sinking your teeth into a hunk of meat when you're pretending to live in medieval times. (Why are there so many medieval references at a Renaissance Faire? Don't ask questions; just go with it.) I often stop at the Willow's Fare or Little John's Feast for their treats to tempt any carnivore. The go-to move would be the turkey leg, but something this is just too much meat and sodium for one princess. If I'm feeling a lighter snack, I go for a Steak on a Stake from Willow's Fare. The meat is moist and flavorful, there's just the right amount of food, and the name is very fun to say. Got to love a clean, meat-related pun! HUZZAH! But the BBQ Chicken from Little John's Feast is also satisfying, especially the crispy skin. Just be sure to take lots of napkins. The plastic knives don't always do the job, so you might need to use your digits. Things to do at the New York Renaissance Faire Afternoon: Even More Ren Faire Fun! The afternoon at the New York Renaissance Faire always brings the main event: the joust! Now, the Ren Faire has its own storyline involving Robin Hood, Maid Marion, and...Queen Elizabeth, which is totally historically inaccurate. They really should call this the New York State Anachronism Faire. And perhaps someday I will devote a post to leading you around the different Robin Hood scenes that take place all around the Faire throughout the day. But for this post, join me for an afternoon of lances, bananas, and other things that are super phallic. Let's get ready for faire fune with... Approximately Top 5: Ren Faire Afternoon! 1) Fruit Ice After our Steak on a Stick (or turkey leg or falafel---there's plenty of veggie options at the Ren Faire), it's time for dessert! And at the Ren Faire, the best option for dessert is something frozen, since it's usually hot as fire from the Spanish Armada in New York in August. If you want something traditional, go for a fruit ice from the Queen's Treats served inside a frozen orange peel. They've been serving this at the Ren Faire since at least the 90s! HUZZAH! Yes, this is actually me, my childhood best friend, and my Mom at the Ren Faire a jillion years ago. And the fruit ices still taste as good today! Last time I went to the Ren Faire, I got a special peach ice served in a frozen peach half. So summery! But I sometimes prefer the chocolate-covered bananas from King Arthur’s Round Table & Lady Guinevere’s Goodies. Simple, decadent, and satisfying. Just be sure to let them thaw a little because they are truly deep frozen when you buy them. Arthur and Guinevere don't mess around when it comes to high quality fridges. (Also, does it confuse Arthur and Guinevere that Queen Elizabeth I is around at the same time they are? This is what happens when you try to make the Ren Faire make sense.) 2) To the Death! No, to the Pain! The main event in any Ren Faire guest's life has got to be attending the joust. This joust has everything: real men and women jabbing giant spears at each other whilst on horseback, elaborate tricks involving catching rings on said spears, and Queen Elizabeth making yet another anachronistic appearance. There are two jousts per day, but the second one is sometimes too late for us to make our bus back to New York if we see it. Let's catch the earlier show instead. (It's usually around 2:30.) Technically speaking the joust is free, but since it's so popular, you need to get there insanely early if you want a decent seat. Or for just a few extra dollars, you can reserve a seat for the joust in the nearby booth and get a comfy place to sit, a non-alcoholic beverage of your choice, a delicious fresh giant pickle, and an assigned seat cheering on one of the four jousters. HUZZAH! (I always choose to pay a little extra.) Please feel free to cheer on your champion, but don't start screeching, "BOOOO! I HAAAATE YOU!" at the others, as one little boy I sat near at the Ren Faire did. They're all just actors; no need to act like one of them is Tom Brady and deserves all your loathing. 3) Imbibe Mead Many drinks are present at the Ren Faire, from standard Coca-Colas to slushy and frosted coffee contraptions. But there is only one drink you simply MUST partake of at the Ren Faire, and that is the honey wine known as mead. (Providing you are at least 21 years of age; please don't sue me for encouraging minors to drink!) At the Ren Faire, you can drink mead neat or as part of a mead cocktail--I recommend it mixed with hard cider. Or do as I do and get both in one day. At the Ren Faire, no one will judge you. This year they even had a slightly tart blackberry mead, which tasted even better than the original. HUZZAH! In fact, it was so popular that they seemed to have run out by the end of the day, so try this drink early. Just be sure to have ID with you at all times. The Ren Faire cards literally everyone on policy, so even if you are 1000 years old and covered with grey hair and wrinkles, please bring your driver's license or passport. 4) Cirque du Sewer Cirque du Sewer has got to be one of the oddest shows at the New York Renaissance Faire, but that just makes it all the more fun! The main performer is a woman named Melissa, and she has an assistant named Vitaly. But the real stars of the show are her cats Pad Kee Meow, Sputnik, and Schrodinger, and her rats Hanta, Cholera, and Pfizer. (She said she usually named her rats after plagues, but that didn't seem so funny this year, so she named her new rat after a vaccine.) Melissa's humor seemed generally of the self-deprecating kind. (Sample joke: "I didn't get into show business because I have GOOD self esteem.") But I think you need to have a sense of humor about yourself if you're going to be a proper Ren Faire performer. Highlights of the show include Melissa doing a split while a rat runs over her legs and then jumps through a flaming hoop of fire, cats jumping through flaming hoops, and a grand finale where Melissa does a flaming hula hoop while balancing on a slack rope. All of these cuties are rescue animals, and Melissa assured us that the tricks were very safe. Things to Do at the New York Renaissance Faire Evening: Start Wrapping it Up! We can't really claim to be spending a whole evening at the New York Renaissance Faire because our bus back home usually leaves around 6:30 in the PM. But that doesn't mean we won't have plenty of time for fun! There'll be as much eating, shopping, and exploring as we can cram into a couple of hours. But first---ART! Approximately Top 5: New York Renaissance Faire Evening 1) The Lynx Show Our final show of the evening will be Mr. Lynx above. Lynx is a sword swallower, and this was my first time in all my years at the Ren Faire that I could remember seeing a sword swallower. Lynx can swallow anything from a giant spork, to massive pinking shears (you can see in my photo above), to a 4-foot long balloon, which he insisted would come out, "Manana". But the coolest trick was when he swallowed a sword with two pretzels attached and used whips to break the pretzels while the sword was in his mouth. How would you even learn that you could do something like that? This is one trick you're definitely going to have to see in person for yourself. 2) Shoppe Til Ye Droppe! I'm not posting the same photo of myself twice in one post because I am an egomaniac, Internet Stranger. It's to teach you about my third favorite activity at the Ren Faire: shopping! And in this photo, I am showing off some of my favorite stores. First, you're going to want a costume at the Ren Faire, and the easiest costume to get is a hat or other headpiece like my circlet. I purchased both the topper I am wearing here and the one from my childhood photo at Madd Hatter. Yes, they've been around since before I was born, and they are the best Ren Faire haberdashers, in this humble opinion. Their slogan is "It's all about the hat" and truer words were ne'er spoken. Next you might want to pick up some jewelry, and I suggest grabbing some lovely baubles at Rozelisa's, who makes all her pieces by hand. You can see my fab purple earrings in the photo, right? Well, I got them from her, of course! Isn't it amazing how they match my face paint? She has a new collection every year, so I buy a piece from her every time I come to the Ren Faire. I guarantee you'll love what you buy from her too. If you want an outfit complete with dress and corset, stop at Hearts Delight, where I got my lavender robe and my dark purple/gray reversible corset. The helpful staff will be delighted to fit you out with the perfect size, so don't be shy about asking. My corset salesgirl wouldn't rest until she had cinched me in to within an inch of my life. 3) Wander About! The New York Renaissance Faire is located in stunning Tuxedo, NY, and for city dwellers, it's a bucolic escape from hectic urban life. Take some time to just stroll about and enjoy the trees and water. It's like nature but better because there are clean Porto-Potties everywhere! You can even rent a boat if you have a friend with you and go for a spin around the lake. Or you can take the kids to play on some of the rides! Keep a weather eye out for Easter eggs hidden around the Ren Faire, like little troll statues planted in the woods or people dressed as fairies who will try to start conversations with you like they just stepped out of A Midsummer Night's Dream or a dude wandering about with an accordion playing the Game of Thrones theme. And definitely don't miss the stocks! Are you more of a guttersnipe or a spiteful gossip, Internet Stranger? You can confide in me. I'll never tell! 4) A Snack for the Road! There are a few things a visitor to the New York Renaissance Faire simply must consume on every trip: a glass of mead, meat you eat with your fingers, a frozen dessert...and of course a pickle from a cart. For just a few dollars, you can enjoy the meatiest, briniest, saltiest pickle this side of the Renaissance. ( Before #metoo, you could expect a salty joke to go with a salty pickle, but the vendors seem to have toned that action down. Once you've nabbed your Ren Faire Pickle, it'll be time to head back home on the bus. Huzzah and kudos to you for making it through a perfect 24 hours at the New York Renaissance Faire! 24 Hour Tip Please remember that the pickle carts and some other vendors are cash only, so bring plenty of cash with you to the Ren Faire. There are ATMs all around, but sometimes they run out by the end of the day. That's The Best Things at the New York Renaissance Faire! What do you think are the best things to do at the New York Renaissance Faire? Is sexual innuendo about pickles OK or hopelessly patriarchal? Huzzah???? Please leave your thoughts below! Note: If you want to know how I put my travel itineraries together, just click here. Keep in mind that while each article is about how to spend 24 hours in a place, that doesn't mean you should ONLY spend 24 hours with the best things to do at the New York Renaissance Faire.